Archive | October 2012

The Looks.

I’m overweight for a runner. For a cyclist. For a swimmer. For a triathlete. For a Spin class enthusiast. For a soccer player.

I’m overweight, period. I’ve never been the skinny one or the “little one” or what not.
I’ve always had a problem with food. An unhealthy relationship to say the least. I lean on it like it’s the only reliable friend that’s left in the world. When I’m having problems of any size, there it sits, waiting for me.
It’s an addiction.

But 2 years ago, I fell in love with something that changed my life. Running. Just putting one foot in front of the other, until I couldn’t think anymore. Until all the drama, the bad thoughts, the anger, the hurt, the sadness was gone and all that was left was me.

And that’s when it got better.

I lost weight. I got happier. I wanted things for me. I got control of my own life again.

Even if the only control I had was how long my runs were. It was something to grasp to.

But, I’ve never gotten to the point of what is considered in society, “skinny”. I’m still not there, even after 2 years. I work my ass off, but there are bad days just like everyone else. And sometimes I let them get the best of me, but the next day you better believe I’m in the gym showing my body the attention it DESERVES.

Sometimes, I get looks.
Not always bad. Sometimes really judgmental. Sometimes full of approval.

No, I’m not skinny, but you better believe I’ll be out there working my ass off because I’m worth it. Do I need to be skinny to show you that? No. Is it something I work towards because I want it? Yes.

I log more hours in the gym that half of the juice-heads combined.
I log more miles in a single run than some 3 year olds can count up to.
I go as fast as cars when I ride my bike. Sometimes.

I do this for me. And honestly, that’s the healthiest outlook I’ve ever had.

So, for those who give looks to me at the gym because you think I’m too fat, because you think you’re better than me, more in shape than me, pulling more weight or reps than I am, or going faster than me…
or for those who give me the “holy cow look how hard she’s going”, she’s really pressing that much weight, look how deep her squats are, I swear I saw her 10 miles ago look….

Thank you.

Those looks fuel me. They drive me.
Those looks will be a part of the reason I will achieve greatness.
The rest will be on me.

Daily Musings

Since my triathlon, I have been slacking on a strict training schedule. School has literally taken over my life and so I run into the weekends with open arms because I’m desperate to get away from school. But, I feel like as we get closer to the end of the world and what not, it’s time to get back into the swing of things.

I’m focusing mainly on weight loss with emphasis on endurance training. I spend most of my time in the gym doing cardio and the rest with strength training. I also got a personal trainer that I go see once a week with my mom (which is awesome!) and he seriously kicks our ass. I always feel like death afterwards.

As we go into the dreaded “holiday” season where temptations are everywhere my new mantra has become moderation. Except when it comes to beer, because there’s no such thing as too much beer. But in regards to food, I’ve cut out snacking completely because I have this terrible habit of “snacking” on 4 different things and usually right before and after meals which does no one any good.

I have the Women’s Half Marathon on November 18th and I plan on walking it entirely because I have put in NO training this year. Recently, I acquired a hip injury (I have no idea how it happened, though) and I literally can’t walk without a terrible limp. So, even walking the half might be out of the picture which is devastating because this will be my 4th year in a row.

The worst feeling in the world is being told you can’t run. Like all of the sudden your one source of outlet, therapy, release is gone without your consent. I know that injuries heal but speaking from experience, you never get back to 100%. Ever. After my ankle tore, it took me 5 months just to start jogging again and to this day, I couldn’t tell you how much money I would pay to be able to run pain free.

But alas, here we are.

So I’ve started a new goal tracking system where I plan my workouts for the week on Sunday night. I look at what I want to accomplish and write it all down, that way I feel accountable for it actually happening. Like tomorrow, Wednesday:

11am- Ethics Class
1pm-Meeting in Clearwater
4:30-Spin Class (as per hip’s pain level)
6-Yoga

Oh! That’s another thing. I’ve been trying to get back into yoga because it’s just what I need sometimes. I don’t think you realize how beneficial yoga is until you stop going cold turkey and you stop reaping said benefits. Merp.

So here’s to a successful week. And a healed hip.